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The one....

 

The age old question...do you believe in soul mates or the ONE?

In five days I will be married. I can read that sentence over and over and logically know that my wedding day will soon be upon me. Yet it doesn't seem real yet. When will the moment happen and smack me in the face? My sister said it happened to her when she put on her dress. I remember my best friend knowing it was real when she was picking out her dress. For me, I think the walk down the aisle will do it. A lot of people have asked me, "how did you know he was the one?" or "Is he your soul mate?"

I don't know how to answer these questions except to know that I choose him because I love him and feel we should build our lives together. I do sometimes entertain the idea that soul mates exist. I believe they are in many relationship forms and can exist in many facets. Friends, parents, siblings, etc. For example, I really don't think my twin sister was JUST a biological exception. Her and I have a connection that can only be described as having two parts of the same brain. I like to think that she and I follow each other through our lives-if that's what happens to all of us. I also like to think that the person you choose to marry may or may not be a "soul mate". I feel there may be various forms of this relationship and any would work. There isn't just "one" option. When I am with Jon I feel peace, calmness, and like I have chosen a true companion to go through life with.

I tend to put a lot of thought into my decisions and lately I've been almost checking myself twice, like Santa's list. From the moment Jon proposed I have banished my skeletons, and swore off all other paths that do not lead to him. I have wrestled with nightmares of past loves, and have not gave in to "tests". Old flames, past lives, and fragments of my single life that somehow come my way weeks before my wedding are not coincidences. They are tests, and the only way to deal with them are to check myself. I know I'm making the most important decision of my life, and I have chosen this path and it is the path I will follow.

When my future husband falls asleep, I listen to his breath and say to myself, "I'm choosing him. The man I will cherish forever, create a family with, and the one I will turn to and lean on forever." He and I are not alike. He is a wonderful, generous, kind, calm, and gentle soul. He literally does not have a vindictive bone in his body-unlike his chosen partner. Sometimes I feel like I do not deserve his genuine goodness. I being a good Scorpio will lash out, sting, and keep my share of secrets. Deep thoughts and firery games are always brooding inside me, churning, waiting to deploy. I understand how people work and how they "are" without them saying a word. But not him. He will give you an honest start, and give you the benefit of the doubt for quite awhile. It takes a lot to tick him off, believe me. I am not mean or evil by any sense, but I am not without a judging thought. These traits are not negative as they allow me to connect with people on a much deeper level. Just because I may think you're a jerk because your body language is off a bit, we may still become friends! So maybe we're a perfect puzzle pairing our opposite personalities together? After all, he does calm me when needed, and I rev him up when a little fire is necessary.

So am I marrying "the one"? I suppose in one form or another. I almost don't want to put that pressure on us. I think we should just exist as we are and get on with our marriage. The only thing that matters really is that we're making this commitment together-and that our loyalty for each other will outlast any test of time.

Want to know if you are with "the one"? Take this quiz!

Joyous occassion

Finally, the post on how amazing and fan"tab"ulous my sister's wedding was is here for you!

 For starters, she obviously looked gorgeous! Actually she always looks super cute, but with an amazing wedding dress and talented make up artist she was the picture perfect bride.

Her dropped waist ball gown from Casablanca was designed with a two-toned silky taffeta featuring a sweetheart neckline and ruched bodice. Beading was sewn into embroidered appliques that had just the right amount of sparkle. The skirt consisted of box pleats, gorgeous embroidery and a cathedral length train.

Her ceremony was a beautiful tribute to her and her fiance as a couple. The priest actually became emotional as he read aloud a letter they composed to him about their values and relationship. Fall colored mums were placed at the alter chosen by the bride, in reds, oranges and golds. It was the perfect compliment to an already spectacular church.

Floral designs were created by Golden Gate Studios, Cranston RI. The bride's bouquet was made of elegant white calla lilies wrapped in a champagne ribbon. Note: Total plug. My good friend, musician and fellow diva, Chantal Ambroise did most of the bridal party make up. She has very reasonable rates and if you'd like her contact information please let me know.

They also did an amazing job with bridal party bouquets and reception arrangements. The bridal party carried rich wine colored calla lilies that complemented the chocolate brown and champagne theme of the wedding.

Half the reception tables housed an amazing tall clear trumpet vase containing hydrangeas, calla lilies, mums, and fall splendor! The other tables were chic with their small group of cube vases lined with green leaves featuring orange roses and maroon berries.  

The reception was held at the Rogers Williams Park Casino, in Providence, RI.

The Casino is a historical building located in the park that has always hosted social events. It's rich decor, boosting champagne and gold wall and ceiling accents acted as a perfect compliment the wedding theme.

 Her photographer, Don Jagoe, of Newport Images Photography has more passion and talent in his pinkie then most in the profession. He was able to capture all the beauty and love the couple shares on film. Not easily done, but perfected by Don. I've already booked him for my wedding next fall!

Everyone that attended is still talking about how fun this wedding was. Not just because my sister and now brother in law share a love most couples do not, but because the DJ was bumpin, and at times it felt like a super exclusive club then a wedding reception. Even my Dad was on the floor dancing to Boom Boom Pow! Johnny and Wayne at Select Sound razzled up the guests from start to finish. They are the first and only DJ's I've called for my wedding!

To wrap up a great evening, my sister thought of a sweet fall inspired treat to give as favors. These  delicious candy apples were dipped in mouth watering dark chocolate, caramel, and rolled in oreos, candies and chocolate pieces. Not only were they yummy, but they also served as escort cards! Double duty!

I'll always remember this wedding as one of the happiest events that happened within our family. It was fun, carefree, and of course full of love. I can hardly wait to celebrate together again at my wedding this fall.

Congratulations Corey & Charlie-love you's.

  
  
 

When the going gets rough, the rough get creative!

Once that bling is placed on your finger it's like the sound of a gun and off you go! Your wedding planning race has started and it's a whirlwind of craziness until everything is signed away, paid up and scheduled and phew, finally the finish line. You feel pretty confident that your wedding will go off with few if not any hitches...until the unexpected happens.

A few weeks before your wedding you contact your venue and guess what? No venue, it's out of business! To make matters worse, they can't refund your money either. Nightmare? Read on for ideas and articles on how to fix this mess!

It's no joke that many companies are suffering from economic crisis, and wedding venues and banquet halls are no exception. My friends and I have exchanged articles about brides who were given only a few short weeks to find another wedding venue.

If your venue closes you will feel as if you are out of luck. You'll need to set aside a day to rant, rave, throw-up, mourn, and THEN get to thinking of an alternative plan. Every situation will have different outcomes, and not every bride will be able to fix their saga easily, but here are a few ideas that may get your wedding back on track.

Call other local venues around the area, and see if they'd accommodate your wedding. Most brides have another venue they were interested in before they booked the "one". They may even offer a discount if you decide to transfer your wedding to their establishment as they may be already aware that your venue closed. Read about a wonderful wedding venue that saved some lucky couples after a venue closed in MA. Click to read:  wedding savers!

If you weren't able to get your money back, or it gets tied up in an impending court case, you'll need a cheap alternative to your big fat expensive foreclosed reception hall. It may be the crappiest thing to ever happen to you, but you can design a modified reception for your guests that will work. Many local bars or small restaurants will rent out their space for a relatively cheap rate. Try to negotiate a fair price with one of the bar or restaurant spaces to accommodate your guests. If your ceremony time is flexible, you may want to have a shorter "evening" reception with cocktails and appetizers at one of these places. Offer a coffee bar as well, which goes famously with wedding cake and is not going to break the bank. You may not have enough money for a sit down dinner but you can definitely still have a chic, fabulous cocktail reception and be the trendiest bride around.

More of a outdoorsy type? Why not have a huge back yard wedding bash? Go informal, get out the kiddie pool, and have a BBQ. It's inexpensive and who doesn't like a hot-dog? You could even ask guests if they'd bring their favorite dish with them as a wedding gift. A wedding potluck is unique and fun. We bet none of your guests will miss the stuffy, mechanical country club feel when they are allowed to let loose and have fun.  As long as the neighbors don't mind-blast the music, dance, eat and forget your cares! It's your wedding day!

One word of caution. Let the guests know as soon as possible that the wedding location has changed, especially if invites already went out. Fastest way to get in touch with people, (especially family), is word of mouth. Put down the laptop and pick up the phone girl!  Have your bridal party or parents help with getting guests on the phone. Let them know where the new location will be. You can even send out notes or even a mass email for the tech-ie guests (okay fine, use the laptop).

Bottom line is to not panic or get caught up with being upset about your original venue. Remember why you are having a wedding in the first place. If you truly love the person you are with, you'd marry them anywhere and in any situation. It's really about the two of you and the promise you make to one another.

Want more help? Read these great blogs to find out how wedding planners, and real brides dealt with venues closing.

My venue closed, now what?

Read about this bride's plan B-fantastic wedding

Dream venue steps up to help out a couple

All that bling...

Ever feel like you are in a dream but you know you aren't sleeping? That's how I felt for a whole week after my boyfriend of almost 2 years proposed to me on November 14, 2009. He asked me to marry him at Symphony Hall in Boston, right before we watched an amazing concert performed by the BSO. Music is my passion and he couldn't have picked a more perfect venue to ask me to be his wife. Wife? Me? This is still incredible.

I've been waiting for this moment my whole life, or should I say I've been waiting for this man and this relationship my whole life! JB and I compliment each other as I'm a complete diva tendicied control freak, and he is laid back and doesn't let too much bother him. I can be as structured, scheduled or emotional as I want and he just let's me go on and on and on. With one big hug and a, "I love you", he can shut me up. Believe me, no man has ever been able to shut me up with just a hug!

JB and I just work. We've become each others best friend and we compliment each other with our interests and passions. A very wise friend of mine told me long before I got asked THE question that it is hands down, absolutely the most important decision of your life. Everything you do, decide and experience from now on for the rest of your life will be directly linked to this decision. It HAS to be right, our you'll end up like 50% of all couples, divorced. You'll have your kids and make your home with this man, and most of all you'll link your families together.

We both think the world revolves around our families. I've witnessed other people's relationships where they are great together but for whatever reason their families are not compatible. This can cause families to break and become unstable, and it's no ones fault, these things just happen. I've always dreaded this happening to me. I can't picture my life without my family around, especially my siblings. Seriously, the fact that my brother in law and JB get along famously sprouts smiles out of my eyeballs! We also would rather hang with his rents' then go out to a bar with peers. What? They're cool!

I do understand that any marriage has its up's and down's. I know that even though JB and I work, there will be times ahead of us that will be difficult. But, I honestly can say that I have no reservations about marrying JB. During my past relationships, I've never really felt as if they were going to pan out. With the "others", I just had a gut feeling that we had no future. I never imagined myself being so blissfully happy. I found him!

Let this be the start of my own wedding planning blogs, the good, bad and not so ugly!

Stay tuned.

Evil Hydrangeas

As you can guess, my sisters bridal shower went off somewhat without a hitch. These things have a way of working out don't they? I've been providing a generic answer to people when they ask me how it went. "Oh, it was fun! My sister had a great time, thanks!" She did, but did I? Read more to find out!

I left my quiet tranquil home with two screaming cats, (obviously not happy about being stuffed in carriers), a lazy beagle, my entire closet (a girl needs options), shower gifts, projects and a multitude of party decorations. After loading everything into the car I was ready for a huge coffee, and would of loved to just walk back into my apartment and snuggle in my down comforter and forget my cares! As I headed down to Rhode Island, I had a little over an hour to sit back and contemplate the events yet to be unfolded.

First stop was dropping the hoarse voiced cats at my mothers house. After dealing with my separation guilt I proceeded to stop at my Mom's store which she's owned for a number of years. Here is where the creation of the shower centerpieces had commenced. Upon walking in I immediately felt like my lazy beagle got more of a welcome then I did. Signs of things to come? After all, my mother and I had been bickering for weeks about these very centerpieces.

The smell of flowers hit me as if I was walking into a funeral home, and my sinuses instantly reacted with a cracker of a headache. Looking around I noticed that finally someone actually did order the correct sized vases. My joy was short lived as I saw the billowing flower arrangements hanging out of  them.

Now don't get me wrong, I was grateful that one of my Aunts graciously volunteered her time to create the flower arrangements, while my Mother and another Aunt assisted. I truly did appreciate them working hard, but I was incredibly disappointed. What happened to my coral orange roses and tight modern bunches? The colors I chose so obviously match a fall theme and theirs did not! Why were they deciding to not use my chocolate brown ribbon to go around the vase? The flowers would of been prefect if the shower was out in a garden, and had a spring theme. White hydrangeas with pink centers filled the vases, with tropical dark green leaves arranged around them. Bunches of  pink and green hued forest berries were mixed into the arrangement, and spouting out of the  top were purple calalillies and actual tree branches. The 5x5cube vases were lined with banana leafs and the bottoms were filled with river rocks in earthy colors of browns and sands.

They had even created a "special" centerpiece for the brides table. A ridiculously tall, monstrous version of the before mentioned design. It reminded me of a volcano eruption. You know the way the smoke billows out of the mountain and stays in the air, but with tropical leaves and tree bark instead of ash and fire.

Dumbfounded, I felt the desire to drag my mother into the storage room and stuff her into a FedEx box which would ship to China overnight. But instead, I swallowed my tongue and sadly began to imagine my sisters reaction to these arrangements. I let my mind think about the months and months of conversations on design, flower colors, vases, and remember Mom, "the bride does not want green stuff in her centerpieces, just modern, clean, and chic arrangements", boil over into my brain. I felt my ideas were completely dismissed, and they had chosen colors and styles that were the polar opposite of mine. I felt like I was a six year old wondering why Mommy and Daddy had decided to redecorate the Christmas tree after I went to bed.

Maybe this is a classic case of a mother, daughter power struggle? Is it just that they thought they knew best? Why did everyone ignore me? Maybe it's the artist in me that feels rejected? I sent example pictures, sketched a table design and spent a lot of money on linens and decorations for nothing! I was completely not heard at all. I worked hard on my ideas, and my sister hands down is one of the most important people in my life. How could they not see I was thinking whole heartily about her and what her likes and dislikes are? They were just going to do what they wanted regardless.

I see it now more then ever that  these patterns have always existed in my relationship with my mother and her side of the family. When stress, and a pinch of control issues are added into the mix, the problems and issues you have with them are amplified. It baffles me that just because they happen to be the mother or older relative, your "child" status allows them to justify their actions. I will always appear childistic to them and they will always believe that their relationship is justification to trump me. It makes sense especially because we've all hear phrases, "Because I said so", and "Because I'm your mother".

I left them with a sense of defeat and drove away with my ribbon and glue gun in tow. When I arrived at my betrothed sisters home I felt like I let her down. When my twin sister arrived I was surrounded by their supportive glances and told them my story. I then showed them some secret pictures I had snapped with my cell phone of the flowers. A funny thing happened at that moment. After we had bashed the flower makers enough and exhausted our brains for reasons why they are so out of the modern loop, our annoyance turned into humor. Before you knew it we were in hysterics over the whole experience. The next day we ran errands, got our nails done and had fun together. It was like old times spending the weekend with my sisters again, laughing, joking and making fun of things that we couldn't control. With them I am never under appreciated or thought of as inferior. Family should never dismiss you simply because they outrank you in the hierocracy of your birth. 

On Sunday, August 9th, Corey arrived to her bridal shower which was filled with family, friends and vases of evil hydrangeas. The tables were a mix of my design and the shall I say politely, an 1980's flair, thanks to the napkin folds, paper doilies, and centerpieces. Overall, most guests seemed to like the flowers, as they were not aware of the drama that unfolded in the creation of them. It was a good mix of modern chic, and old school wedding. One thing is for sure, the bride received all the honor she deserved. I received a thank you card from her a few days ago which said, "I can't thank you enough for everything you've done. Besides the aggravation, the day was perfect. It couldn't have been better."

  

Superhero Shower Planners

One week from tomorrow, my younger sister will no doubtingly arrive at her bridal shower dressed in a chic modern fashion that only she can pull off, with a smile and perhaps a little worry behind her hazel brown eyes.

 

If you are wondering why she'd be worrying you'll soon understand! But don't get your veils in a bunch!Our little bride has the help of her superhero MOH's.

As co-maid of honors, my twin sister and I began brainstorming for her shower months ago. With our mother paying for the event, we were given the green light to be in charge of designing. The theme being fall, and the wedding colors being chocolate brown, champagne with splashes of ivory, we had a lot to work with. With my twin being an incredible accomplished artist and myself being a musician, we thrive on this kind of challenge to create something. Making something that is currently nothing become lavish and stylish with colors and sounds and suggestions is our passion. Obviously, our superhero left brain juices were simmering at the very thought of giving birth to an affair to honor our sister bride!

Now there is something you should know about our bride to be. There would never be a "zilla" suffix attached to her bride title. She is not overbearing, and hasn't and won't turn into a lizard creature while planning her big day. But she does know what she wants! And what she wants is modern, elegant yet chic designs, with only a hint of bridal at her shower. She despises anything "Wedding" but wants the suggestion of it in the theme of the shower. She literally would hurl if she walked into a room filled with tulle, foofy white, ribbony, sparkly ga-ga.

Our extremely professional picture above depicts an example table for the shower. A standard round banquet table, topped with ivory linens & napkins, chocolate brown satin table runners, cubed tea-light candle holders, surrounded by sparkly diamond accents and contrasting flower colors in a cubed modern vase. Highlights of the shower will include brown and ivory paper lantern lights, photo collages, buffet brunch with mimosas, delicious chocolate and champagne cake, and last but not least fall themed wine stopper favors. Phew!

But if you're thinking that this party planning will be easy, and is going to be posh, and every modern girls dream, think again! Our superhero MOH powers seem to weaken at the very mention of, "the mother". It's like Kryptonite! The mother is a creature that has cocooned itself far away for 25 years, and pokes its controlling, hissing head out only at very special occasions of it's offspring.

Like any superhero MOH's would do, my twin sister and I have been battling the mother up and down superhero city for creative control of the shower. My power of seeing modern style and my twins x-ray art vision are no match for the mother's pocketbook persuasion. Yikes! Zookers! She who has the pocketbook shall rain. A superhero MOH's only defense against the mother is the power of blog venting and the bride herself.

I'd love it if all kidding aside, I could understand the chemical changes that occur in the mother with the mere mention of, "I'm getting married", I'd be a millionaire. Being one of the daughters in our heroic tale, I can say it baffles me. Any logical human being would see that sisters share special bonds, and know one another like books. My sisters and I have known what we've wanted for showers, weddings, and even baby showers since we were kids. Our barbies weddings were the dress rehearsal for such upcoming events. We all understand the others style choices and personality, and would never put our own tastes into the mix when planning an event. But, "The mother", spews ideas at us hoping to win our approval, and is met with furrowed brows and the look of disgust on our faces. We've endured and shot down every gruesome, horribly outdated detail and idea. "Had to be there" jokes now surround my conversations, and everyone at work knows about the incredible favor idea the mother had, plastic laminated book marks. You remember, right? The kind from your 1986 school book fair.

It always starts out the same. An innocent phone call, an update on the guest list, a glimmer of excitement and then, WHAM!, we're fighting about vase size, design concept and why we need salt and pepper on tables that are perfectly designed! The mother is paying for the event, but should she get a say in the design that let's face it, the bride would detest? Superpower MOH's tend to fight for their bride to be to make sure she's happy on her special day. But why does it matter so much what vases size to have, or what or what not to put out for favors? Why is there a high concern if salt and pepper will be available to guests? Somewhere along the line, we are forgetting the real reason we have tables and design and salt at all. The reason is because we are trying to commonly create a special event for someone we love.

More times then none, we get lost in the planning of creating a room into a representation of the glorious and heavily life marking event that is happening. My sister has found a wonderful, caring, loving man to marry. She will be extending our family, and nothing has created such joy in our lives ever. The least we can do to thank her for making us all so ridiculously happy is give her the honorable, traditional event of the bridal shower. The real superhero in this story is my beautiful sister, the bride!

The Metamorphosis

Gillian Holliday recently wrote, "What turns a normal, sensible woman into a completely stressed out control freak? Two words: wedding planning." I'm pretty sure Erica would be okay with me saying, "Yes, this is true." Especially now that it's a few years back for us! Nevertheless, it was worth it. As Erica says, the wedding planning experience is like a learning laboratory—seemingly designed to develope the battle scars required for a great marriage! All good! -Jeff

After the thrill is gone

Now its time to plan and make decisions about your future wedding. What do you want? What does your partner want? Do you agree on this vision of your wedding day? Chances are you'll see eye to eye on some things, others will need to be compromised.
Not only is it about what you and your partner want, wish for, desire, but what does your family expect, envision, REQUIRE? This gets tricky. This day is really about you and your relationship and celebrating this right of passage, but this tends to get lost at times when family imposes their ideas and opinions about how it should be done. It becomes additionally tricky if their is money involved, who's fitting the bill usually means their are strings attatched. Here are some of my thoughts on how to navigate these often feisty waters:
-Be diplomatic, and sensitive that this is important to your family too, even though its not really about them, it sort of is.
-At the end of the day, what are you going to regret? If eloping just feels easier and more appealing, thats great, but when you look back are you going to wish you hadn't. What can you live with and what can't you live without?
-Consider a wedding planner to make your life easier, plus having a neutral party to help you make decisions is probably better than dealing with your parents or future in laws for various details.
-Just because someone is paying for the wedding, shouldn't mean they get to dictate what happens. Talk about this openly with your family, be clear with them about your thoughts and needs and talk with them about some of their expectations. Give a little, it will go a long way.
In the end, plan a nice relaxing honeymoon, because you are going to need it. Jeff and I went to the Amalfi Coast in Italy, although gorgeous and highly recommended, not really the pampering I needed after the year plus of wedding insanity. Additionally, Jeff was so sick after our wedding he could barely get out of bed; we ended up coming home a day early... (more on the honeymoon in another blog!)
Bottom line, get a notebook, check out www.theknot.com, and read The Consicous Bride(by Sheryl Nissinen), and try to have fun.

Do I know how to make a marriage work?

It is apropos to begin my first blog on this topic on my son Jacob's first birthday. A day to think back and reflect, for me at least. How did we get here? Well, it started when Jeff and I met in 2002, with an engagement in the not-too-far future on May 22, 2003. What a magical moment (pause)... and then a week or so kicked in and the magic, although still there, faded.. and reality set in-- "Do I know how to make a marriage work?" This is a direct quote from my journal a few weeks after the engagement.

And so it began, the excitment of it all, relief in a way that I am done with finding "the one," the feeling of utter gratitude that I have found such an amazing man to love and to love me, and then came the fears, anxiety and what ifs. I thought my relationship needed to be perfect in order to make it work. Typical me, to see the glass half empty, which in part is why I married a man like Jeff, he sees the glass half full, pretty much all of the time.

So what did I do? Well, here is a little gem of advice: go to counseling, alone and with your future partner. Now, I realize my bias here—as a psychotherapist myself I'm a big advocate of the craft, but seriously, even if your relationship is relatively stable like mine was, GO TO THERAPY, it will save your marriage in the future when you look at this person and ask yourself, "I signed up for this? FOREVER?" Well, yes, you did.
This is it, welcome to the insanity of marriage. It is sometimes a rocky road, but it is a beautiful thing. Your engagement and wedding planning are the start of a lifelong process of negotiation and compromise, so get used to it!

We Salute You

Hello, and welcome to wedding therapy [dot] com!

We decided to create this site back in 2003 when we were planning our wedding. Here you will find a unique community for the sharing of experiences that are common to the wedding planning experience—the stress, anxiety, headaches, and the joys of making it through it all to the eventuality of marriage.

Through this forum we aim to share the stories and experiences that can serve as advice and counsel, and be a trusted source of relief, humor, and support.

Whether you are a bride-to-be, a newly engaged couple, a stressed-out fiance, or a family member or friend of those who may be suffering from the wedding planning blues, this site is for you!

Erica & Jeff